Sadie Hawkins Disaster
by HalfiesRule
Summary: An explanation in story why I've been gone for so long. Tina had him first. I tried to help, but I fell instead. It feel so wrong to do this, but I know it's right. She won't care right? She said go for it. She lied to my face. Was she really ever my friend? How could she throw it all away for a boy? Did I really mean that little to her? Three words: Sadie Hawkins Sucks. Four shot
1. Permission Denied

**Hi guys, I know, where have I been and stuff. Well this story is going to tell you. So basically, if you read my authors notes at all i've been pretty down under because of my soccer team. Well that team recently broke up so i'm looking for a new one. And well everything that happens in this story is completely 100% true. i've just been so upset and sad these last couple months, like i've cried myself to sleep on more than one occasion. so basically all my friends have abandoned me and i don't know why. i was just so tried of being the only one to make the effort and i'm just done. i've just felt really alone lately but i'm getting better. so hopefully i'll be back writing soon. i've tried to write this story hundreds of times but i could never find the words. even now, this isn't a good portrayal of everything i went through, but i just thought you guys should know the basic gist of why i haven't been updating. i've just been to sad and unmotivated to do much of anything lately. this will be a threeshot of what happened to me and i don't know if any of you can relate, but if you can, then please, i could use some help from anyone. thanks. **

"I'm going to ask him."

"No," Bex said next to me in disbelief. Bex and I had never been the greatest of friends. We'd been in the same class since the fourth grade when we first met, but we'd never really connected. I'd always hang out with Kim, Tina, and Jessica while Bex hung out with Macey and Liz. This year, we'd all joined track together. Kim did lacrosse and Jessica played softball. We sat well together, finding common interests here and there, mostly about soccer, a sport we both shared.

Perhaps soccer season is when it started. I don't know why I'd been so low when it started, but I was. Soccer was my life, my reason to get up in the mornings, and my reason to believe that you could love something other than your family. And I hated it. I was so mad with my self and my team, that looking back, I didn't even recognize the person I was. I was surly, mean, and even cruel at times. That is my greatest shame. I can never take back the person I was, only improve on the person I am.

It was hard. Adjusting to a new team. I was the only freshman and they were all older juniors or sophomores. They saw me as someone who had caught a lucky break, because before me, it wasn't permitted at my school for a freshman to play on the junior varsity team. But as the season went on, I grew with my team. I rediscovered my love, and perhaps a little more too.

His name was Zachary Goode. He was the back up goalkeeper for the boys' varsity soccer team. This was the first year I had actually gotten to know him and talk to him. As far as I was concerned, my goal was to get close to him and talk up Tina to him; the girl had been crushing on him for over a year. So like any friend I talked to him about her and tried to convince him to like her. But he never wanted to talk about her. Maybe that's when it happened. Maybe it was the teasing and the taunts about how we'd be perfect together, but I knew that there would always be those two things that would hold me back. She liked him first and what he told me.

"I'll probably never like a girl in high school, maybe not in college even." I think that's when I realized. She said she was over him now and my work had been for nothing. They were friends and nothing more. We were friends too though. Except, now I was the one with the crush.

"Cammie" Macey cooed. "That's fantastic! I totally think you should ask him." The Sadie Hawkins dance was coming up and I had made the decision to ask Zach.

"Are you guys sure? I'm going to check with Tina first to make sure that it's okay. I don't want to hurt her." I had been nervous ever since this morning when I decided that I was going to ask him.

"You absolutely need to do that." Bex confirmed.

"I know I don't want to hurt her. I mean she liked him first and I don't want her to feel like I'm betraying her. If she doesn't want me to go with him then she just needs to tell me, that's all. I won't ask him if she doesn't want me to because I value our friendship too much."

"Who's asking who?" Courtney asked, leaning over the seat in front of us.

"Cammie is going to ask Zach to Sadie's." Liz clapped excitedly.

"ZAMMIE!" She exclaimed, causing the entire bus to go silent momentarily.

"Courtney! Shh!" I yelled, clapping my hand over her mouth. "No one's supposed to know. I'm going to ask on Monday because I have soccer practice tomorrow so I can make the stuff over the weekend."

"Zammie is finally getting together!" She exclaimed gleefully. Ever since I had become friends with Zach, everyone who knew the both of us had become obsessed with taking pictures of us together and labeling us Zammie.

"So, Cam, how are you going to ask him?" Bex asked poking me in the shoulder and giving me a sly smile. Her long ponytail swung behind her as the bus went over bumps and cracks.

"Well, we have this kind of inside joke about his neon orange goalkeeper jersey right?" They all nodded. "Well, I was thinking on Monday I'd go into his last period class and hold up two neon orange shirts, one saying 'will you', I'd be wearing a shirt that said 'to sadie's' and the other shirt would say 'with me' and ask him 'Zach, wanna help me pick out a shirt for the dance?"

The girls all screamed excitedly, causing our coach to come over and shush us angrily. In return, we all giggled and gossiped excitedly about the promise of Sadie's.

_Brrringg_. The bell chimed signaling the end of first period. Exiting from my seat, I stretched out my legs and rubbed my temples. Sitting in my Spanish class lowered my IQ due to all the idiots. Hurrying out of the room and down the stairs I found Bex, Liz, and Macey all waiting expectantly by the lunch tables. They all wore looks of excitement and rushed towards me once they saw me.

"Guys stop." I laughed as they stared bombarding me with questions that I didn't have the answer to. Each let out a frustrated sigh. "I'm going to talk to her now, and if all goes well, I'll have a date by Monday!"

"Cammie, are you sure his is a good idea?" Liz asked. She hadn't fully supported me in asking Zach. "Are you sure you want to risk your friendship with him for a stupid dance? I mean I know you guys kind of have that understanding that you'll never date and don't like each other like that." _If only you knew how wrong you were._ "But do you really want to risk it."

"Thanks for your concern Liz, but I'm a big girl and he's a big boy. IF he doesn't want to go with me, he doesn't have to simple as that. I ask for a reason. There's always the option to say no." My reply came back more snarky than I had intended and I could see it in Liz's face that she was upset by my reply. "Liz, I'm sorry, I'm just nervous about all of this. I want to go with him, but if Tina doesn't want me to I won't, and all that's just messing with my brain. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"It's okay Cammie." She sighed, "This is your choice. If this is what you really want then go for it." I hugged her thanks and left to find Tina. As usual, she was with Kim and Jessica.

"Hey, Tina," I said tugging on her shirt like a child. I continually tucked my baby hairs behind my ears, even though they were too short to reach, out of nervous habit.

"Hey Cammie, what's up?" She asked.

"Look," I started taking a deep breath. "I just want you to know that before I ask you what I'm going to ask, there's always the option to say no. I'm asking you first because that's how much I value our friendship. I would never do this if it makes you upset or would hurt our friendship in any way."

"It's fine Cam, just ask me what you need to ask me." She replied smiling.

"I want to ask Zach to the Sadie's dance."

"Oh," she said, her voice falling a bit. "I think you should go for it! It's absolutely okay with me for you to ask him."

"Are you sure?" I asked, still weary of her answer. "I mean, if you don't want me to ask him, I wont. Simple as that. I would never do anything to hurt our friendship."

"Cammie, ask Zach. I approve." Tina smiled at me again and I gave her a big hug. Bex, Macey, and Liz were all jumping up and down behind Tina asking what she said.

"I'll see you later then okay?" I asked her. Tina nodded and turned back to her conversation with Jessica and Kim.

"So, what'd she say?" Bex asked excitedly grabbing my arm.

"She said to go for it!" The girls all squealed. I couldn't help the smile that crawled onto my face; I was going to ask Zachary Goode to the Sadie Hawkins Dance.

"I'll see you later Bex." I said as she left from our track practice. I still had another half an hour of practice left because I did two events. The workout, however, did not last nearly as long as I thought it would. My coach had dismissed us early. Checking my phone, I noticed I had once new message from my mom saying my soccer practice had been cancelled because the fields were not open. _Maybe I can make the stuff to ask Zach tonight instead then! _I pondered. With a newfound excitement, I was walked up to the parking lot where my mom picked me up, passing the baseball field as I went. I noticed Preston, the guy that Macey had asked to Sadie's early that day talking to one of my friends Josh. I waved hello to Preston and Josh gave me a wink.

Before I liked Zach, I used to have a crush on Josh, he was nice on the surface, but the more I talked to him, the more creepy he became. He told me it was because he liked me, but I couldn't get over his bipolar personality. I had told him I liked him and he had told me he didn't like me back. A month later when I told him I was over him he said he had liked me at the same time I liked him. All in all, his bipolar personality was too much for me to handle and I eventually broke off communication for the most part.

"Have fun at Sadie's!" I yelled over to Preston. He turned a dark shade of red and Josh gave a slight chuckle.

"Good luck on Monday!" He yelled in return. Josh gave me a confused look and I let out a loud laugh in return.

"I don't need luck," I teased in return, "I have skill." Preston rolled his eyes and made a reference to our science class last year when we had sat together and I dramatically messed up an experiment. It was my turn to roll my eyes as I ascended the stairs up to the parking lot.

My mom hadn't arrived at the parking lot yet, so I sat in my usual spot and plugged my headphones in. My happy song _Always Summer_ by Yellowcard played in my ears. However, not long after the song began to play I heard the familiar tune of my ringtone play instead.

"Hello?" I answered unsure. People hardly ever called me. If there was something important they needed they usually just texted me because I had my phone on me about 99% of the time.

"Hi, Cammie?" The person asked. "It's Bex."

"Hey Bex!" I said excitedly. "My mom told me my soccer practice got cancelled tonight so I think I'm going to try and ask Zach tomorrow! I just need to go to the store and buy the stuff. Do you want to come over and help me design the t-shirts?"

"Um, Cam," She said, obviously upset, "I don't think that you should ask Zach anymore."

I was astonished, baffled, flabbergasted. She wanted me to ask him not an hour ago and now she didn't. I was beyond confused. "And why is that?" I demanded.

"Because Tina already asked him."


	2. The Breakdown

**So basically, this is the breakdown I had. This is half of the reason I've been gone for so long. This part shows how alone i've been feeling. The breakdown was a lot longer than this. If any of you actually read my ANs i just want you to know that i didn't smile for about a week after this. When i think about it, i still have trouble smiling. I wrote this part of the story with tears in my eyes and i hope some of you guys can relate. It's just been really hard. **

"She couldn't have asked him." I replied.

"I'm sorry Cam. Liz sent me a text a while ago saying that Tina asked him while they were all walking home today." Bex sounded deeply worried. I could feel my breathing getting shallower and my heart rate increasing.

"I don't know why she would do something like this to me." I said still astonished.

"Look, I'll talk to Liz again and make sure that she did ask him. From what she texted me she said that basically she had asked him with actually _asking_ him."

"So she hasn't officially asked him yet?" I asked, slightly confused.

"No, but Liz said the deed was as good as done." Bex sighed, "look Cam, don't say anything to Zach until you talk to Tina first."

"Oh-okay," I managed to stutter out. "Bex, I'll talk to you tomorrow. I need to sort this out." Ignoring everything that Bex had just said, once I ended the call, I pulled up the message icon on my phone and began to type.

_Hey Zach, heard you got asked to Sadie's today. Who's the lucky lady? ;) _

I pressed the send button just as my mom pulled up in her white Prius. I always got teased for our Prius, but it was a good car. Some kids snickered behind me and I gave them a glare as I hopped in the passenger seat.

"Hi Mom," I said throwing my track bag and backpack into the bottom of the seat.

"Hello honey," She greeted me with a smile. Out of habit, I immediately turned on the stereo and sang along to my ipod as it synched with the Bluetooth. We rode home with the sounds of music playing in the speakers, a knowing silence hovering over us.

It was around eight o'clock when my mom came to check up on me again. My phone was lying face up on my science textbook. I had been staring at it for the last half an hour, contemplating whether or not to pick up the phone and dial the number.

"Did you talk to Tina today?" My mom asked me, breaking me from my trance. I nodded a silent yes. Entering my room, my mom plopped herself onto my bed behind me.

"And?" She questioned, making herself comfortable.

"She said to go for it," I managed to squeak out. "Then, Bex called me before you picked me up and told me that she asked him."

"Well," She asked, "Is it true?"

"I don't know." I said clearly upset.

"Are you going to find out?" She asked again.

"I don't know if it's true and I don't want her to think that I don't trust her as a friend." _More importantly, I don't think I could face the truth if it was true. _

"Call her."

"Mom, you don't understand I can't just-"

"Call her, or I will." Nervously, I picked up the phone. Unlocking it, I pressed Tina's contact and the number began to dial.

"Hi, you've reached Tina, I can't come to the phone right now so leave a message." I nearly sighed with relief. Hanging up, I turned to my mom. "She didn't pick up." I could almost hear the shear joy in my voice.

"Call her home phone."

"Mom, I'm not going to call her-"

"Call her home phone." I dialed the number for her home phone.

"Hello?" The person on the other line answered. _Damn_ I mentally cursed.

"Uh- Hi Ms. Walters, this is Cammie. Is Tina there?" I asked nervously. I could hear my voice crack at the end and mentally scolded myself.

"She's in the shower right now, but I'll have her call you back as soon as she gets out. Okay?" Ms. Walters told me. I silently thanked God that I wouldn't have to speak to her in front of her mom.

"That's fine Ms. Walters, thank you so much." We said our goodbyes and hung up the phone.

"She's in the shower right now and her mom said she'd call me when she got out." I told my mom. Not a minute later did I hear my phone start to vibrate against my wooden desk.

"Hello?" I asked shakily.

"Hi! Cammie?" The person on the other line asked.

"Hi Tina." I replied, attempting to even out my voice but failing horribly.

"You called? What's up?" She said. Her voice sounded cool and controlled.

"Ya." I laughed uneasily. "I was just wondering, I mean, I heard from Bex, who heard from Liz that you asked Zach to the Sadie's Dance. I mean, you knew I was gonna ask him and, I was wondering: did you?"

"Oh my gosh, Cammie, I'm so sorry. I was going to talk to you about it tomorrow." She sounded surprised that I knew about what happened, but hadn't clearly answered my question.

"Did you ask him?" I repeated.

"Okay, you don't know the whole story." The way she said it sounded like when a boyfriend tries to explain his reason for cheating. "What happened was that we were walking home and he was asking me all these questions about Sadie's right. And then he asked me if I was going with anyone and I said no, and then he said that he wasn't going with anyone. He said he might not go to the dance at all, but if someone asked him to go he would. So basically, he was telling me that he wanted me to ask him. I think I'm going to. Is that okay with you?"

Who was I to deny Zach something he wanted? I knew that if I were Zach I'd want the person who I wanted to ask me ask me rather than someone else. "Yeah, I guess. If he truly wants you to ask him to the dance I think you should."

"Thank you so much Cammie. I mean I was going to ask him before you asked my permission today. I'll talk to you tomorrow okay?"

"Yeah." I heard the line cut and the incessant beeping of the dial tone. "Bye."

"What'd she say?" My mom asked once I placed the phone back on the desk.

"He wants her to ask him." I said, feeling the tears begin to pour out. "I told her she should because if I was in his position I'd want the same thing."

"Cam, are you okay?" My mom asked coming over to where I was sitting at my desk.

"I feel so alone." I sobbed into her shoulder. "All my friends are gone." I could barely get out words, only hiccups and wails.

"Oh, honey, just because this happened doesn't mean you have no more friends." She rubbed my shoulders but I slapped her hand away.

"No!" I screamed. "You don't understand. It's not just this; it's everything. They don't like me! When was the last time they asked me to do something? When was the last time they called me first, or texted me first, when was the last time they sat with me at lunch." I cried even harder. "God, when was the last time they sat with me at lunch? I can't even remember. Mom they're supposed to be my best friends and I can't even remember the last time they sat with me at lunch."

"I'm sorry honey." She rubbed my back as I cried harder into her shoulder. My dad came in to see what all the yelling was about, but seeing me sobbing into my mother's arms, he left us alone.

_Flashback_

_It'd been weeks since I'd seen Tina, Kim, or Jessica at lunch. The group we sat with had slowly been dispersing throughout the campus lunch tables. First, it had been all of us. Things had been good then. We'd hang out on the weekends and text during the weekdays. But, soon, the numbers decreased. First, Tina left us. Then, Jessica followed Tina and soon Kim did too. Kim was my best friend. She had been since we were in sixth grade. I remember walking around campus searching for them everyday, but ending up in the same spot with people whom I knew but just barely. Bex glared at me. It was an obvious known fact that Bex had disliked me since we met, but sitting at the same table, her hostility seemed to diminish slightly. _

_It was a month after Kim stopped sitting with me that I saw them together again. They were all walking toward the center of campus, laughing and sharing jokes. _

"_Hey guys," I said, attempting to be cheery as I pranced up to them, fake smile plastered on my face. "I feel like I haven't seen you in forever." _

"_Cammie, you saw me this morning." Kim said rolling her eyes. _

"_Yeah," I replied, "But that was for like what? Two minutes? Maybe one? I mean, I just feel like we haven't hung out as a group in a while you know?" _

"_Well," Tina said, intercepting Kim, "we've been really busy with YAT (a club on campus) and we haven't really been able to eat lunch with you guys." _

"_Every day?" I asked, trying to draw a more detailed answer out. _

"_Well, we've been organizing the color run for the school and we've been super busy with that." Kim and Jessica had slightly confused looks on their faces, but went along with it. _

"_I wish you guys had let me know. I know over the summer we had talked about joining a club together on campus, but you guys said there wasn't a club on campus that interested all of us." I tried to hint on my obvious feelings of betrayal and exclusion, but the other girls didn't seem to notice. _

"_Sorry Cam, maybe next time." The bell rang right after and all three girls obviously relaxed. _

"_Well," I said, "maybe next time I can come with you and we can all hang out together. _

_I didn't get a reply_

_Flashback Over_

"I feel so alone mommy. My friends could care less about me. I-I-I just don't know what to do. I don't want to lose them mommy." I never called my mom mommy. The last time I had called her mommy was when she had almost died five years ago.

"Shhh" she cooed into my ear. "You'll always have me and daddy. Just remember that."

I couldn't hear her though. My thoughts were overtaking me, pulling me in. What did they know? They didn't even notice how upset I'd been the past couple weeks. All they cared about was making sure my brother's acceptance to Stanford was all done and he would be playing soccer there next year.

"All my friends are gone. They all hate me. They don't want me mommy. They don't want anything to do with me and I'm just dragging them down. I'll never be like them. I've tried and tried to change for them." I'm a naturally loud talking, fast speaking person, but for them, I've gotten quieter, I've spoken my mind less and more slowly. I've become someone who doesn't participate as much and scoffed at stupid things that look fun. I've tried to be more like them and they still didn't want me. Writing was one of the only things left that reminded me of the person I once was.

"Cammie, as life goes on, people will come in and out of your life. You'll lose friends and you'll gain new ones."

"I don't want new friends!" I wailed, "I want to keep the ones I have. I don't want to have to go through the process of people leaving me again. All my friends ever do is leave me. Every single time I do something, someone leaves me. Every soccer team I've joined, the coach has left us. Every person who I've ever felt like was my best friend has ditched me for someone they thought was better." I cried even more. I thought by now I'd be out of tears, but they kept on coming. "What's so wrong with me that people hate me so much? I try so hard to be accepted, but all they do is push me away."

"Cammie, honey, you keep those in your life who will help you. Take Lori for example." Growing up Lori had been my best friend, but she was only my friend when it was just her and me. When my brother or her brother would enter the room, she would immediately turn on me. Eventually, I realized that she was doing more harm to me than good so I broke off the friendship. "She constantly made fun of you and brought you down, so you stopped hanging out with her. If that's what happens to you with Tina, Kim and Jessica, then so be it. Just remember that, people come in and out of your life, and it's all about adjusting to the change."

"Yeah, well the change isn't welcome here." I said allowing the final tears to escape as my mom helped me to lie in my bed.

"It may not be welcome, but sometimes," She said, pushing my hair back, "it's just something we have to adapt to.


	3. Quick Questions and Obvious Lies

**So this is a really emotional chapter. All of this happened and all of this is true. Again, I wrote this one with tears in my eyes. This one hurt in particular because I found out just how easily my friends can lie to my face. So I guess this will be turning into a 4-shot. Next chapter will be the dance and the aftermath. The dance won't have a whole lot of detail because not a whole lot happened. Mostly everything that happened happened before and after the dance, but it's still hard. **

I tried to talk to Tina the next day. I felt like our conversation ended on a bad note, especially because I was left saying goodbye to a dial tone. At the end of second period, because our school ran on block schedule, I sought out my group of friends.

"Hey guys," I said tapping Jessica on the shoulder. She turned and allowed me to merge with the circle. "Have you guys seen Tina?" Most of them shook their heads or shrugged their shoulders; only Jessica spoke. "I saw her this morning. She's probably with Kim. I'll let her know that you're looking for her." I said thanks and left to question more people.

I ended up asking everyone who hung out in the same area as Tina, but they all gave me the same answer. I eventually found Kim, but she said she that Tina had some stuff to take care of and she didn't know where she was. I solemnly replied thanks and headed to homeroom once the bell rang.

I didn't see Tina for the rest of the day. Not until I was leaving school for track. My mom wasn't able to pick me up today so I asked to get a ride from my neighbor Alex. As we rounded the corner to meet his mom in the parking lot, I saw Tina. Quickly, I yelled her name and waved my hand. I could tell she heard me because for a brief moment, she stopped. However, that moment came to an end as she picked up her pace and hopped into her mom's car. Disappointed, I lowered my hand and sulked back to Alex.

"Sorry about that." He just shrugged and jumped into the passenger seat.

"So, Alex, I heard that Katie asked you to Sadie's." I told him as we drove home.

"Yeah, she asked me today before homeroom." I could tell he felt embarrassed about it, but Katie and I were reasonably close friends so I continued to ask him.

"Do you guys know what you're going to go as?"

"Not yet," he replied unsure.

"Aren't you excited?"

He shrugged unsure. "I guess, I mean her asking me kind of came out of no where. I had no idea." I smiled and gave him a light smack on the shoulder. His mom smiled into the rear view mirror.

"Did you ask Zach yet?" Zach and Alex had the same homeroom along with Alex's friend whom I had told I was going to ask Zach, so I wasn't surprised that he knew. I saw my own wince in the mirror when he asked, but replied anyways.

"I'm actually not going to ask him anymore."

"What?" he asked surprised. "How come?"

"Um," I stalled, "It's a _really_ long story." He got the message and didn't prod further. They quickly dropped me off at home and once again I was left debating whether or not to pick up the phone and call.

Monday came along and I was determined to find Tina. I got to come to school late because I had an open period that day. On my way from dropping off my track stuff from the locker room, I noticed my friends Ally and Molly.

"Hey Ally, hey Molly," I said as I approached them. They both nodded me a hello and returned to their quiet gossip. Ally and I used to be close friends, but we went separate ways once high school started. I noticed her carrying a huge green poster. "What's the poster for?" I asked intrigued.

"Oh, um," She stuttered out, "History project." She attempted to save quickly. I could tell she was lying to me though.

"Guys, there's no need to lie to me." I told them honestly. "Molly are you finally going to ask Jacob to Sadie's?" Molly turned a bit red and shook her head. "Oh," I said in return, "Ally are you going to ask someone then?"

"Like I said Cammie, it's just a history project." She sent me a glare then turned on her heel and rushed off. I managed to catch bits of their conversation as they sped away: "…think she noticed?" "…possible….promised not to tell" "….she…know"

Extremely confused, I heard the bell chime and began to walk up to my class. However, when I arrived in the classroom, I noticed Ally having a distinct lack of large green poster.

Break between first and third period, I finally got to talk to Tina. Being apart of class council, she was required to participate in the Sadie's dance promotion. I went over to the quad and watched, amused by the exciting dances and funny cheers. When it was all over, Tina came over to Kim, Jessica and I. Quickly, we chattered about her success in the dance, but I managed to pull her aside.

"Look," I said talking to Tina, "I feel like we ended the other night on a really bad note, you know?"

"I know Cammie, I'm really sorry too, but I mean, I was going to ask him before you asked my permission." I could tell her apology wasn't sincere though. When you apologize to someone and mean it, you look him or her in the eyes and you tell them you're sorry, but Tina looked here there and everywhere but me.

"Tina, I could care less about the dance," although it was still something of a priority. "What I'm upset about is that you lied to my face."

"Cammie, I'm so sorry about that."

"I don't think you realize how much that hurt Tina. The fact that I came to you because I cared about your feelings, because I didn't want you to get hurt, because you mean that much to me as a friend." I could feel the tears pricking at my eyes, but I forced them back. No, I wasn't going to cry in front of her. "I came to you because I didn't want to risk our friendship over something stupid like this."

"But I didn't want to tell you no because that would have just been awkward and I didn't want to make things awkward." She excused.

"Tina, I come to you to give you that option of no. If I automatically expected you to say yes, then I wouldn't have asked in the first place. The whole purpose of me coming to you was so you could tell me no."

"Cammie I'm so sorry, and I know how you-"

"No!" I interrupted, "You don't know how I feel. Tina, do you know how this would make me look? No one would see you as the bad guy. If I hadn't called you that night, I would have asked Zach on Friday and it would have been too late. People would see me as the girl who was bitchy enough to ask the guy her best friend liked to a dance. I would be portrayed as the bad guy and you would have let me. And that hurts Tina, that really hurts. It hurts that you would throw me under the bus so easily like that and that you would let something like this come in between us. I don't care about the dance and I don't care about Zach, I care about what you did to our friendship. Did it really mean that much to you?" As much as I tried to stop them, tears flowed freely. I could feel the ache in my heart and the numbness begin to take over. I picked at my nails until they were torn and hurt.

"Cammie, it's not like that." She tried to plead, but I was done hearing her excused and her fake apologies.

"Do you still like him?"

"Yes. I still like him. I still like him a lot." She replied earnestly.

"Then why wouldn't you tell me?" I let out a shaky breath, "Why would you let me hurt you like that? I would never hurt you like that on purpose. Why would you let me do something so evil to you? I would never want to do something like that to you. I don't want to be an evil person Tina. I'm your friend. I'm here to support you and help you through this. You told me you were over him and that it was okay. You told me to go for it Tina. _You told me to go for it._ You told me to do something when you knew it would hurt you, and I that's what hurts me the most."

"Cammie I'm-"

"Tina!" She was interrupted. "Great job." After that, she got so wrapped up in that conversation that I was completely ignored in.

"Bye, I guess," I said as I turned mixing in the general chaos of the school.

It wasn't until later that day that I found out where Ally's green poster had gone. "Zach, you're a keeper? Sadies?" it read. Tina was holding it up on one side and Zach holding up the other. I saw this picture on instagram. She didn't even have the courage to come and tell me she was asking him today. More so, she had Ally hide it from me. I felt the tears pricking at my eyes once again as I scrolled through the comments. Most of them were "OMG CONGRADULATIONS 333" there were a couple of "OMG ZANA"

Later, at track I managed to find Bex among the group of jumpers. "I talked to Tina today." I told her.

"I saw the picture." She added. "I'm sorry Cammie." I just shook my head and accepted her hug when she came over.

"Bex, she doesn't even care. When I went to talk to her about how this affected me, she just shrugged it off. She apologized, but it definitely wasn't real. She didn't look me in the eyes; she didn't do anything. I could tell that she was just trying to get out of talking to me. I tried to talk to her on Friday and she avoided me."

"Look, Cammie, you can come with Liz, Macey, Preston, Grant, Jonas and I to Sadie's okay?" We broke our hug and I took a couple of shaky breaths.

"Thank you so much Bex, you've been more of a friend these last couple days than I feel like Kim or Jessica or Tina have been in the last couple of months. I really need this right now." Bex just nodded and returned to her drill as I returned to mine.

Now, I just needed a costume.


	4. Dancing and the Truth in Asking

**So here's the final installment of what happened. You guys have been fantastic in your support of me and everything and i'm so grateful for that. I'm sorry about this final update being a bit late but i've been driving to and back from arizona for the last two weeks for my brother who's graduation was on **Thursday** but i'm good now so... (: **

Walking into the dance, I could feel my heartbeat mix with the pounding base of the music. The derogatory rap music thumped as my friends and I entered. In the end, those of us without dates went as superheroes: I as batman, Bex as Captain America, our other friends as Spiderman and Superman. The two couples that went together went as two pairs of firefighters. There was also Anna Fetterman who came with us but as Peter Pan. The theme of the dance was "When I Grow Up" and all of us had an amazing time coming up with different ideas for the dance. Since we got to the dance about an hour early, courtesy of my mom who had picked us up from the place where we had eaten dinner and driven us over, we were some of the first people inside.

I closed my eyes for a minute just swaying to the music allowing myself to forget how differently this night could have gone.

"Cammie!" Bex yelled over the music. Quickly, I snapped my head towards her, nearly slipping on the tarp that had been placed on the floor of the gym. Bex grabbed my hand and led me to the masses of people accumulating around the center stage. Our group had immediately dispersed upon entrance to the gym. The only people who were still together were Macey, Bex, Preston, Grant and I. The rest of our group had wondered off to meet other friends and mingle within the social class of high school.

Soon, everyone who had bought a ticket was inside the dance. It was early enough that the innocents were dancing and the hormone-driven boys had not taken to making figure eights with their dates. (**for those of you who don't get that…good)**. My friends and I luckily were part of the innocent group.

I had chosen tonight to forget. Tonight I would not let Tina or Zach or anyone get in the way of my good time. It was the final dance of my freshman year, which is if I don't go to prom, which is likely, and it was too important an event to be brought down by a boy. As soon as I saw an opening up on the stage, I stepped on and faced a mass of freshmen and sophomores mixed together. The ones closer to the stage seemed to have taken to grinding while the ones more on the outskirts were goofing around. My friends, trapped between multiples couples grinding, looked extremely uncomfortable so I pulled them up next to me. A group of junior girls who had been occupying the space and openly flirting with the DJ scowled at us as I forced them off.

Many people do not take me as the kind of person that would be a life of a party based on how I act in class. In class I answer questions a lot, having my hand raised for almost every question, and I "sass" the teacher almost every day, however, I am never the one to socialize. I do not talk to my friends, only slipping in a brief comment every now and then to the person sitting next to me. That's why I noticed many peoples staring at me as I danced onstage. One particular person stared longer than the others. It was Josh.

My situation with Josh was complicated. He lied to me, but I still found myself wanting to be with him. Most likely because he hadn't lied to my face, but I still found myself wanting to be closer to him. After I had talked to Preston that day and he was with him, I found myself falling into my regular routine with him. Each morning when we didn't have school, he would text me "hi" and we would talk for either five minutes or five hours. I never texted him first anymore because I had decided that after he lied to me, that he didn't deserve that privilege.

He looked particularly cute today. His hair fell slightly into his eyes indicating he needed a haircut. His black t-shirt hung a bit loosely around him, but flattered him non-the-less. When I caught him staring, he stopped mid-sentence talking to his friend beside him. I gave him a slight smile and continued dancing.

On the stage, I felt myself fall into the music. My heart and the bass pounded in time and I could feel myself sway to the song. I smiled and danced along with my friends. We laughed and goofed off and everything seemed perfect until Bex decided to bring up an unwanted topic.

"They're staring at you." She commented.

"Who?" I asked generally confused.

"Zach and Tina." Oh, them.

"Let them stare." I replied casually. Immediately I turned away from Bex to face the crowd once again. It took me three songs to find them. They were towards the back of the pack and both staring at me with blank faces, although Tina's looked slightly pained. Neither of them wore costumes. Zach wore a black button up shirt with black pants and his hair was neatly spiked up. Tina wore a nice white button up with a flowery print that I had helped her pick out from the store about a year ago. I could feel fire building in my veins. Not because Tina was here with Zach but because she wasn't dressed up. For years I had run for student council and every time Tina had beet me. She never dressed up for anything, and saw student council as more of a hobby than an occupation. This year she had been chose over me once again and the sight of her "costume" or lack-there-of was infuriating. Both Zach and Tina stood awkwardly next to each other, not touching or talking. It seemed like they were more strangers than dates.

Not being able to bear seeing them anymore, I pulled Bex's arm and led her and the rest of my friends off the stage. Eventually, we made our way back to one of the podiums where students could dance inside the masses. Seeing two of my friends, one of them being my neighbor, I excused myself from my friends and rushed over to greet them. My friend Carly, who had asked my neighbor, Sean was standing next to him looking around nervously as he talked to a friend I didn't know.

"Carly!" I exclaimed giving her a hug. "Are you having fun?"

"Yeah!" She yelled over the roar of the music.

"Grab Sean and come dance!" I instructed her.

"No, we're okay," she replied with a nervous laugh. "I think we'll just stay here."

"Nope!" I yelled in response. "You're coming with me." I grabbed her wrist and began to drag her over to my group of friends. She met me with equal resistance and Sean began to laugh at our display: Batman attempting to pull superman into a group of people to dance. Eventually I got her and Sean to come dance with us, but they only stayed for a little while. Because I brought two new people into the group, I was forced more to the outside.

While on the outside of our group, I felt someone's hands dig into my hips and force me back. Immediately knowing what was going on, I attempted to pull away not wanting to participate. The person had a death grip on my hips though. I pushed using my legs and propelled myself into the center of my group of friends. They all gave me funny looks then began laughing as I told them what had just happened. Before I did though, I turned to see if I could find my assailant. I saw someone who was close enough to perform the task and he appeared to be a sophomore or a freshman that I just didn't know. I gave the boy a glare then returned to my friends. The incident did not repeat itself.

By the end of the dance, my ears were thoroughly ringing and I could hear my heart pumping blood. My legs were so tired that I had to lie down, but as soon as my head hit the floor, a nearby teacher yelled at me to get home. I was getting a ride from Grant, though so we had to wait for his mother. I mocked the teacher behind her back and returned to lying on the ground. My friends rolled their eyes and followed suit.

A few minutes later, Grant's mom arrived and we headed towards the parking lot where we would meet her. On the way, I bumped into Josh but he didn't acknowledge me. I wasn't surprised. The only time he talked to me was through text. I sighed then jogged to catch up with Bex and Grant.

Halfway home, I felt my phone vibrate and it was a text from Josh:

_Hey, you looked really cute tonight ;) _

I chuckled a bit and replied a thank you then placed my phone back into my pocket where it soon died. Back at home I quickly showered because I am a perspiration-challenged person. The feeling of my bed under my sore, tired body felt like heaven and quickly I fell asleep dreaming of the dance while the ringing in my ears played on through the night

_Three Weeks Later_

It was three weeks after the dance and the end of spring sports was coming to an end. We had two more track meets left and then prelims and finals. Today, being extraordinarily hot and also the Holi festival, our coaches released us early. Not knowing today was the Holi festival, I asked Anna if she wanted to go watch Zach's volleyball game with me. She said yes and we headed up to the gym.

Tina had yet to talk to me after the dance. If I saw her around campus I didn't say hello and I happen to see her anywhere else I refused to speak to her. A couple of days ago at the Fellowship of Christian Athletes club meeting Kim had forced me to sit next to her. The entire time I kept my back turned and faced the steps seeing as I was on the end of the row. I didn't say anything and left as soon as the speaker was done. Kim still doesn't know what happened between Tina and me and neither does Jessica. Neither of them, though, has asked me if something was wrong.

In the time since the dance, I had an epiphany. I couldn't remember the last time that Kim or Jessica had asked me to do something with them. Ever. As far back since we became friends I realized that it was always me trying to make plans to be with them. This wasn't a give and take relationship. This was a give all take all relationship and I was tired of it. For week since what I have begun to call "the incident" I have left the lines of communication open. If any of the girls had come up to me and apologized I would have welcomed them with open arms. But that changed today.

Once the game was over, Anna and I rushed over to Zach. We congratulated him on his game and on being a starter, which I have no idea how that happened, at least that's what I joke wit him.

"Cammie, Anna, we lost 21-1" (**or something like that idk)**. It was true, they got creamed.

"Hey, at least you tried," I attempted to encourage. I hadn't talked to Zach since the dance and now I could barely carry on a conversation for more than a second with him. I wanted to rip my hair out. We used to be able to talk for hours, loosing track of when we needed to be home. Zach pulled on his jacket when Anna made a comment that caught me off guard.

"Hey Zach, isn't that the jacket you wore to Sadie's?"

"Yeah," he replied causally, "I like it cause I can rip it open and feel like superman." All of us laughed at that.

"So what happened with you and Tina?" I asked, genuinely curious. "You guys didn't match or dress up at all." I had also gone through the pictures that they took on the way into the dance and noticed that Tina and Zach didn't even take the couples picture together. The couples picture was meant for couples and people who went as dates. I didn't even know what to say about that.

"Okay," he began, "Here's what happened."

Zach began retelling the story of what happened the day Bex told me Tina asked Zach to Sadie's. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"So basically what happened was that Tina, Jenny, Liz and I were all walking home." Jenny was one of my other friends who happened to be a close friend of Zach. "Tina asked me if I was going to Sadie's and I said no because I didn't want to dress up. She said she didn't want to either and the Jenny said that we should go together. And yeah, we just didn't dress up."

"Oh that's pretty funny!" Anna laughed.

"Um, yeah." I agreed halfheartedly. "Uh, I got to go guys. I'll see you tomorrow." They both gave me funny looks as I pulled my track bag over my backpack and rushed away.

_Tina asked all the questions. Zach never said anything about wanting to go to the dance with Tina. She lied to me again. She lied to me so she wouldn't seem guilty. She lied to my face twice and she doesn't even feel bad about it. Well I'm done. I'm finished and I can't stand this anymore. She's not my friend. Even if she says sorry and means it, it won't mean anything to me anymore. As of now, Tina Walters is dead to me. I'm done with her and she can go have a happy life. She can throw away good friends and she can choose boys over what's really important: her family, her friends, those who are closest to her. She can just deal with everything on her own because I'm done. I'm finished._

Epilogue

It's been about two months since the dance. I didn't tell Zach about what happened between Tina and me, and personally I don't think he even noticed. As much as I don't like Tina right now, I couldn't bring myself to do that to her and ruin her chances at happiness with him. I could never do something knowing that it would deliberately hurt someone else. Since the dance, I don't know if I'm happier or sadder with my new friends. I love them and at times I can't stand them. I miss what I had. I miss being able to talk to Kim for hours and hanging out every day. I miss being able to talk to Jessica about anything and everything without judgment. I miss our inside jokes. I feel like I'm this outsider who was late to the most popular girl in school's party expecting to be welcomed with open arms. I'm drifting on the outsides of a lake and everyone else in the center. I'm barely there, but I'm stuck. I'm ready to swim in, but not ready to leave the shore. But maybe that will come with time. I don't know. Sometimes I feel so alone that it's hard for me to function. Everything I knew and thought was stable in my life fell apart in such a short amount of time. It's been difficult but slowly and surely I'm drifting away from the shore towards warmer waters. I know in time I'll realize wholly that I've made the right choice but right now. I just want things back the way they were. But do I? Would I really rather live in the dark where my friends will turn on me in a heartbeat or would I suffer through this and be with friends who will fight for me till the end. Right now I don't know. All I know is that I now have friends who care a bout me and what's in the past is in the past. I'm sorry for anyone I've hurt during this and for anyone who reads this know that I care and that I am here.

I am here and here to stay.


End file.
